Posts Tagged ‘Kenny Wingle’

Vin Diesel at the Fast & Furious premiere at L...
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Transcript of my May 31, 2010 set:

I’d like to thank David Marie-Garland for taking time off from his job as the Travelocity gnome for this important event. Jared Cullum was able to make it, even though he’s prepping for his Kiekagards of Comedy tour with Thomas Merton, Martin Buber and Paul Tillich. Jared is the first comedian to ever be skeptical about organized religion. Breakthrough stuff. Let’s hear it for Ray Bullock, the Vin Diesel of Richmond comedy. Unlike Ray Bullock, Vin Diesel actually has a career. James Paulk is here. He’s a landscaper. Is that what they’re calling pot farming these days? Kenny Wingle gave Blake Midgette a blanket as a going-away present. Don’t you hate those regifters. Thanks to Joe Hafkey for acting as roastmaster for this event. Remember, it’s not just random shouting, it’s performance art. Watch for Joe in the upcoming made-for-tv movie Obama says his eleven-year-old daughter, Malia comes into his bathroom every morning and asks, “Did you plug the hole yet, Daddy.” That’s interesting, because that’s what Jeff Curran’s daughter asks him every morning in his bathroom. Let it sink in. Jeff does. Hey, if you want good clean humor, watch “The Artistocrats.”

This is a roast for Blake Midgette, or as some people refer to him, the Chris Farley for the New American Century. What’s the difference between Blake Midgette and John Belushi? John Belushi’s liver is in better shape. What’s the difference between Bob Saget and Blake Midgette? Blake Midgette wanted to fuck the Olsen twins when they were twelve and Bob Saget actually fucked the Olsen twins when they were twelve. What’s the difference between Blake Midgette’s day job as a dog groomer and his night job as a comedian? During the day, he has to deal with dog’s assholes. At night, he has to deal with comedians – assholes who are dogs. Let’s put Blake Midgette into historical perspective. The last time a bearded guy fucked Richmond, Virginia this hard was 1865.

I’m so tired of those you might be a redneck jokes. I’m starting my own riff: you might be Blake Midgette if… You might be Blake Midgette if you wrote to Baskin-Robbins ice cream and asked them to make “taint” one of their 31 flavors. You might be Blake Midgette if you have the Virginia STD hotline on speed dial. You might Blake Midgette if the Double Down is your favorite sandwich — AND your favorite sexual position. You might be Blake Midgette if you’re always trying to get some of that Robb Loving. You might be Blake Midgette if you think Sun Tek is Chinese for “happy ending.”

For Roman Catholics, the biggest sin is sex. For Southern Baptists, the biggest sin is alcohol. For Blake Midgette, the biggest sin is no sex or alcohol. Blake once had an Epiphany on LSD but he dumped her for an Emily.

I’m not saying Blake’s been in some nasty vaginas but they’re making a reality tv series about his sex life called “Deadliest Snatches.” You might think a “junk shot” is when they pump golf balls, shredded tires and broken Obama campaign promises into the BP blowout preventer. Actually, a “junk shot” is what Blake gets at the Fan Free Clinic. I’m not saying Blake has issues with his father but I have it on good authority that when he’s having sex, instead of saying “Who’s your daddy?” he says, “Where’s my daddy?”

Three rules for Austin comedians. Rule number 1: Do not follow Blake Midgette. Rule number 2: Do not follow Blake Midgette. Rule number 3: Do not follow Blake Midgette. There is an advantage to following Blake Midgette, however. Everything you say will seem normal, no matter how vile or filthy. After all, you’re following a guy who uses mouth-raping a toddler as a punchline. I’d like to thank Blake for keeping the memory of Taylor Biehl alive. I’d like to thank Blake for telling me more than I really wamted to know about Furries, Juggalos, cougars, chlamydia and fisting.

I hope everyone appreciates Blake’s many contribution to Richmond comedy. This included Super Friends Camp, a showcase for comedians. It was more fun than summer camp, especially since, unlike summer camp, there have been no reports of anyone getting molested — yet. The drawback of Blake’s stand-up is that his subject matter and dynamic performance overshadow his excellent writing. It was always a blast to see Blake turn in a stand-out performance at Cafe Diem, and then, even though it didn’t seem possible, take it to a whole other level two weeks later. I hate to see Blake go but I understand that he needs to move on, either to grow as an artist or to avoid paying child support, whichever is the more plausible explanation. Take care, my friend.

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Poster by Chris Martin

The Blake Midgette Roast poster by Chris Martin

One of Richmond, Virginia‘s best comedians and all around well-rounded bastards is leaving us for Austin. Let’s send him off right. Your Roasters for the evening will be James Paulk, Jared Cullum, Bill Metzger, David Marie-Garland, Kenny Wingle, Jeff Curran, Jason Klingman, Chris Martin, Brown Frown the Clown, and Ron Rogers, with your Roastmaster Joe Hafkey. So come out, get drunk, and see if we can make Blake cry! – Joe Hafkey

Cafe Diem, Monday, May 31, 10-2 pm

Schmap for the roast: http://www.schmap.it/ykczl9

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The stand-up comedy scene in Richmond, Virginia continues to progress: more open mics such as the ones at Strange Matter and City Dogs, more showcases put on by people such as Kenny WingleDave Hamrick and Odyssey Michaels. My own contribution to the scene, aside from performing, has been to start Salty Tongue Records at Last.fm to feature comedians from Richmond and elsewhere. I recently invested in a Sony digital recorders which has resulted in a definite improvement in quality over my previous recordings.

I’ve been looking around for ways to help take the RVA comedy arena to the next level. I’ve had several ideas but they’re probably my capabilities at this point. One possibility that did seem possible without too much effort or money invested was a website devoted to RVA comedy. It also seemed like a good way to get some practice before moving on from this blog to a full-fledged website. My drawback is that I’m not a particularly good web designer but there’s only one way to get better, dive in and start thrashing around.

After getting the domain name, my first step was to try and install Concrete5, a CMS which has quite a bit of good word of mouth. I got nowhere with a manual install but managed to install it using a script from Simplescripts. However, even though I was able to access the dashboard for Concrete5, I still couldn’t get into edit mode so I uninstalled it. It looks like I will use WebPlusX2 from Serif, a WYSIWG editor, sort of a poor man’s Dreamweaver.

My plans are to have a directory of profiles of comedians in Richmond,  maybe a featured comedian of the month, a schedule of shows, an open mics page, a forum, resources, a history page, photo galleries and an alumni page for comedians who have moved on like Steven Bryant. I’m sure I’ll be able to come up with some other features as time goes on. My thought is that it will be fairly static, more like a billboard along the highway, rather than something that is constantly updated like a blog.

Here’s the link to the site: http://rvastand-up.com.

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Road Dogs Tour at Wabi-Sabi

Curmudgeons of Comedy poster

Curmudgeons of Comedy poster