Posts Tagged ‘Ray Bullock’

The Official Blake Midgette Roast

Blake Midgette addresses the crowd at the Official Blake Midgette Roast

The Official Blake Midgette Roast at Cafe Diem, Richmond, VA, May 31, 2010. From left, Blake Midgette, Ray Bullock and Jared Cullum. Photo by Chris Martin.

Enhanced by Zemanta
Vin Diesel at the Fast & Furious premiere at L...
Image via Wikipedia

Transcript of my May 31, 2010 set:

I’d like to thank David Marie-Garland for taking time off from his job as the Travelocity gnome for this important event. Jared Cullum was able to make it, even though he’s prepping for his Kiekagards of Comedy tour with Thomas Merton, Martin Buber and Paul Tillich. Jared is the first comedian to ever be skeptical about organized religion. Breakthrough stuff. Let’s hear it for Ray Bullock, the Vin Diesel of Richmond comedy. Unlike Ray Bullock, Vin Diesel actually has a career. James Paulk is here. He’s a landscaper. Is that what they’re calling pot farming these days? Kenny Wingle gave Blake Midgette a blanket as a going-away present. Don’t you hate those regifters. Thanks to Joe Hafkey for acting as roastmaster for this event. Remember, it’s not just random shouting, it’s performance art. Watch for Joe in the upcoming made-for-tv movie Obama says his eleven-year-old daughter, Malia comes into his bathroom every morning and asks, “Did you plug the hole yet, Daddy.” That’s interesting, because that’s what Jeff Curran’s daughter asks him every morning in his bathroom. Let it sink in. Jeff does. Hey, if you want good clean humor, watch “The Artistocrats.”

This is a roast for Blake Midgette, or as some people refer to him, the Chris Farley for the New American Century. What’s the difference between Blake Midgette and John Belushi? John Belushi’s liver is in better shape. What’s the difference between Bob Saget and Blake Midgette? Blake Midgette wanted to fuck the Olsen twins when they were twelve and Bob Saget actually fucked the Olsen twins when they were twelve. What’s the difference between Blake Midgette’s day job as a dog groomer and his night job as a comedian? During the day, he has to deal with dog’s assholes. At night, he has to deal with comedians – assholes who are dogs. Let’s put Blake Midgette into historical perspective. The last time a bearded guy fucked Richmond, Virginia this hard was 1865.

I’m so tired of those you might be a redneck jokes. I’m starting my own riff: you might be Blake Midgette if… You might be Blake Midgette if you wrote to Baskin-Robbins ice cream and asked them to make “taint” one of their 31 flavors. You might be Blake Midgette if you have the Virginia STD hotline on speed dial. You might Blake Midgette if the Double Down is your favorite sandwich — AND your favorite sexual position. You might be Blake Midgette if you’re always trying to get some of that Robb Loving. You might be Blake Midgette if you think Sun Tek is Chinese for “happy ending.”

For Roman Catholics, the biggest sin is sex. For Southern Baptists, the biggest sin is alcohol. For Blake Midgette, the biggest sin is no sex or alcohol. Blake once had an Epiphany on LSD but he dumped her for an Emily.

I’m not saying Blake’s been in some nasty vaginas but they’re making a reality tv series about his sex life called “Deadliest Snatches.” You might think a “junk shot” is when they pump golf balls, shredded tires and broken Obama campaign promises into the BP blowout preventer. Actually, a “junk shot” is what Blake gets at the Fan Free Clinic. I’m not saying Blake has issues with his father but I have it on good authority that when he’s having sex, instead of saying “Who’s your daddy?” he says, “Where’s my daddy?”

Three rules for Austin comedians. Rule number 1: Do not follow Blake Midgette. Rule number 2: Do not follow Blake Midgette. Rule number 3: Do not follow Blake Midgette. There is an advantage to following Blake Midgette, however. Everything you say will seem normal, no matter how vile or filthy. After all, you’re following a guy who uses mouth-raping a toddler as a punchline. I’d like to thank Blake for keeping the memory of Taylor Biehl alive. I’d like to thank Blake for telling me more than I really wamted to know about Furries, Juggalos, cougars, chlamydia and fisting.

I hope everyone appreciates Blake’s many contribution to Richmond comedy. This included Super Friends Camp, a showcase for comedians. It was more fun than summer camp, especially since, unlike summer camp, there have been no reports of anyone getting molested — yet. The drawback of Blake’s stand-up is that his subject matter and dynamic performance overshadow his excellent writing. It was always a blast to see Blake turn in a stand-out performance at Cafe Diem, and then, even though it didn’t seem possible, take it to a whole other level two weeks later. I hate to see Blake go but I understand that he needs to move on, either to grow as an artist or to avoid paying child support, whichever is the more plausible explanation. Take care, my friend.

Reblog this post [with Zemanta]
Cartoon showing baby representing New Year 190...
Image via Wikipedia

Tuesday’s That Ain’t Right Comedy Night at Fallout wasn’t as well attended by comedians (down to six from around 12 the first time out) but there was a larger audience and they were more responsive. My set was a mix of new and older material. I got some laughs from jokes which previously hadn’t done as well. I just wish I could remember which ones they were. Comedians who showed up included host Dave Hamrick, Ray Bullock, Marc Cooper, Kelly Henderson and Leo. The next shows are on December 15 and 29, which means I may get out a diaper for a New Year‘s baby bit. I’ve got one more set in which I’m going to use this material, the December 7 Comedy Night at Cafe Diem.

Comedy at the Camel, another project of Dave Hamrick’s, debuted to a full house, with Ray Bullock headlining and Jesse Jarvis MCing. Sets by Roy Rogers, Dave Hamrick and Bill Metzger of Charlottesville, among others. Blake Midgette stopped by. He was just back from two weeks in New York where he did an open mic at a hole-in-the-wall club in the East Village.

I’m trying to catch up on my backlog of video material. Right now, I’ve stripped the audio from the October 4, 2009 set at the Last Stag Standing competition at Europa Cafe. The next step is to listen to the set or look at the script and get tags for when I upload to Taltopia, Punchline magazine, Gcast and Soundcloud. Unfortunately, I decided to scan the disk with those files on it for errors so I’m temporarily locked out and unable to work with them. The next step is to edit the video file in Pinnacle, which basically consists of slapping titles on the front and back end.

One decision coming down the road is my next step in terms of improving output. I’m still getting feedback that the sound quality of the video output of the Canon PowerShot is not that great, the latest comment coming from Virginia Production Alliance  on YouTube. I don’t have that much of a problem hearing what’s said certainly the sound could be improved. This would take the form of buying a Kodak Zi8, which mean an improvement in video quality as well, going from 20 fps to 30 and 60 fps, as well as going from 640×480 to 780p and 1080p.  This would also mean getting a wireless lavalier mic for what should be a big boost in audio quality. Another advantage: the Zi8 has has a remote control which means I wouldn’t have to be standing at the camera to start filming my sets and those of other people.

Other possibilities for improvements: Brother’s $50 personal laser printer so I don’t have to shell out an arm and a leg for ink jet cartridges any more; Serif’s movie editor so I can overcome the limitations of Pinnacle and one minimalist possibility, getting some business cards from VistaPrint so I can do some more publicity with Salty Tongue Records.

Reblog this post [with Zemanta]